Divorce!

Shockingly my 78 year old husband, after 17 years together, has announced he wants us to lead separate lives.  I have decided that I will move out and divorce him because I do not want to spend whatever life I have left in a loveless marriage.

I am profoundly sad.  I also know that I still have the strength to survive as I am only 63 years old.  Between tears I have focused on doing all the practical things required:  finding somewhere else to live, packing up, finding suppliers for the new lifestyle, finding movers to take what furniture I still own.  I will be taking the rescued dog with me as I paid for him and he is registered in my name.  The 7 rescued cats are a bit more difficult!  He wants 2 of them, but I have decided to take them with me because I am the one who does the food and care-taking on a daily basis.

When my husband made his announcement he also said he did not want a divorce because of the money it would cost him.  I do not want more than I am legally entitled to and my lawyer does say we are considered a long-term marriage.  Thus a financial settlement is ahead.  My husband is in for a surprise.

I was a divorce mediator for over 5 years and have gone and photocopied as many of the financial and legal documents that I could find in his desk.  I am including this information here because it will really help to know what his assets are and what the account numbers are etc.  People are expected to make a declaration of assets, yet I have seen people (particularly wealthy men) try to hide what monies are around.  My advice to anyone in a similar position is that old saying ‘possession is 9/10ths of the law’.

I have started re-reading “The WHICH? Guide to Divorce” by Imogen Clout.  It is a very practical guide to the legal and financial arrangements and includes some further information about issues affecting children.  I would recommend not only reading this guide, but if you do have children, please take a look at my e-book “Parenting Your Way Through Divorce”.  You do need to put the needs of the children first.

Grief is shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance and it is not a linear progression.  You go in and out of the various stages.  Luckily as a Psychotherapist for over 20 years I do understand how to grieve well.  If you need more information do take a look at my e-book “Loss is Part of Life”.

I can see a new life opening up and will do my best to embrace whatever is ahead.

 

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Japan Today Article

Twitter has allowed me to ‘meet’ people all around the world including the Editor of Japan Today an English language newspaper in Japan.  What a stroke of luck!  He kindly allowed me to send him a press release and then printed it!  I feel very honoured and absolutely thrilled to know that people in Japan know about me and my self help ebooks.  How marvelous the internet is for all of us!  It’s life changing for me!

Here is what was printed in Japan Today:-

“New Help for those with nowhere else to turn…

Tokyo – Domestic violence, rape, bullying, depression and alcoholism are more common in relationships than we care to think.  They are all issues most women don’t ever dare speak about, even to their mothers or closest friends.  But the wall of silence often surrounding them means many people have nowhere to turn for help they desperately need. 

Psychotherapist and Author, Susan Jane Smith, recognizes this is a problem potentially facing Japanese society, among others.  Her self-help book, “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” offers practical, sensitive guidance on dealing with these taboo subjects and many forms of emotional pain. 

( It is now available in Japan for the first time via http://Amazon.jp./gp/product/B005FFTNEY)

Subtitled “The View from the Therapist’s Office”, the book also includes chapters on love, parenting through divorce, stress and bereavement.  Smith has over 20 years’ experience as a psychotherapist in the UK and the USA.  She has counselled thousands of women – and men – in ways of coping with all manner of emotional challenges, both within and outside marriage and relationships.

“Nothing shocks me,” she says.  “But I know how difficult it can be for people to speak openly about things like domestic violence or abuse, particularly in non-Western cultures.  My book is designed to help them confront and manage all sorts of types of emotional pain.  This pain needs healing before a person can have the emotional wealth required for a happier life, hence the title of my book.”

“If you feel you can’t speak to anyone about your emotional problems or you just want to better understand how to deal with them, then “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” will give you support and guidance.”

Smith’s other self-help book “Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection” is also now available in Japan.  It is designed to enable betrothed couples to assess their relationship before the wedding and to highlight and hopefully address potential emotional problems.  As Smith states: “Marriage is so much more than just the ceremony.”

Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection” can be downloaded from Amazon on http://amazon.jp/gp/product/B005LSD62A

 Personally, I am very grateful that Japan Today published this information so if you know anyone in Japan please share it with them. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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They Wear Western Style Lounge Suits!

This picture shocked and disgusted me.  I came across it by accident in the comments on the Facebook page for Southall Black Sisters.  Please take a look for yourself to see what the person said about the Military acting with impunity in India.  I find this barbaric.

I was on that Facebook page to find out about the demonstration outside the Indian High Commission in London which does not seem to be reported by the UK press (7th January 2013).

I went on to try to email the Indian Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, with this photo but the form would not go through.  I sent the photo to the Indian High Commissioner in London so if you think you could say something about your feelings about rape and the photo above, his email address is:  hc.office@hcilondon.in  The High Commissioner is Dr. J. Bhagwati.

I sent the photo to Mr Hague the Foreign Secretary for the UK.  Filled in the form for the Prime Minister to know about this too.  Mr Hague can be contacted by emailing: haguew@parliamentuk

I also sent the photo to the world press including the BBC, ITV, Sky News and Reuters.  I a wrote to Janet Street-Porter because she is a journalist/presenter that I admire.  The photo also went to a woman’s magazine in India -Feminina.  Further to ‘Loose Women’ an English tv programme.

I will be tweeting about this blog – will you?

What can you do? Apathy is not an option because this is an international issue for women.  It is not acceptable to just close your eyes and say I cannot make a difference – you can.  Also don’t think that this is just a problem in underdeveloped countries…horrific abuse happens to women in the UK and the USA and Europe.

Rape is a crime of violence not sex.  It is perpetrated by inadequate men who think it will make them feel better through the illusion of power, control, domination and humiliation. Not all men rape.  Some men get raped.  This is an issue for all civilized societies.

Today a friend wrote to me eloquently about this and I repeat it here with her permission:

“Because countries like India are making great strides economically and because many of their educated classes speak excellent English, we tend to lose sight of the fact that the country is light years behind The West culturally and sociologically.  This also applies to most countries in the Middle East [and I would suspect Africa, China and Russia].  The fact that their men wear smart western-style lounge suits does not make them civilised by our standards.

Globalisation has brought such matters to the fore, but I think we are deluding ourselves if we think things will change [and I would add - without media pressure].

So-called multi-culturalism in the UK is turning the clock back here as far as women are concerned.  The UK government should do more to stop arranged marriages, ‘honour’ killings, and other barbaric practices that continue in a country where women have equality by law.  The government is far too lenient and certainly should not bow to the Muslim lobby that wants Sharia law to prevail over British law in certain circumstances.

Comments please?

WHY ISN’T EVERY WOMAN IN THE WORLD SHOUTING THAT RAPE MUST STOP?  WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO TELL YOUR LAW MAKERS?

 

 

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SELF HELP QUEEN!

By Susan Jane Smith B.Sc.

 

Forget ‘Dancing Queen ‘ (song by Abba) I think I’ve become the Self-Help Queen now that my 23 books/e-books are for sale on Amazon!

I am a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby.  I spent 3 years in counselling in the U.S.A. and turned my life around personally and professionally.  I re-trained.

Over 20 years as a Psychotherapist and 5 years as a Divorce Mediator followed.  Now I am writing self-help e-books to help other people.  I hope my books will inspire you to change your life if you are sad, angry, stressed, depressed or unhappy.

My 17 e-books in the Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth were written to give you a starting place – some basic information and support.  Through Amazon they are selling world-wide:  U.S.A., Canada, U.K., France, Germany, Spain, Italy, India, Brazil, Japan, China and via http://www.Amazon.com in Australia and New Zealand.

If you read self-help books please check these out:-

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists (about domestic violence)

What Passes for Passion on TV (about loving too much/obsessing)

Walking on Egg Shells (about anger)

My Drinking Isn’t A Problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist (about stress)

Loss is Part of Life (about bereavement and other loss)

Why Walk Into a Therapist’s Office?

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know About Love

How a Functional Family Might Look Like

How Not To Be A Doormat

 

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Profile Update! Social Media Takes Time!
Author

Well, I have had a busy few days updating my profile on www.Goodreads.com, www.facebook.com/EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk, Linked In, and have still to do Google + and Twitter!  I have also got my website designers to update my website so take a look at the store page in a couple of days – it should show 23 books for sale by Christmas!

Updating my biography has taken the longest and I am publishing the updated version here too just in case you want to know more about me!

I have been motivated by authors like Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers, Susan Forward, Rhonda Byrne, and Paul McKenna.  Now it is my chance to inspire positive change in other people.  I turned to books to learn about how to heal and create a happier life.  As a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby, I went against my family norm and undertook counselling to sort out my feelings.  I turned my life around and hope that you will be able to gain some insight and support from my self-help e-books.

After a career in admin I gained a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Management in my thirties.  I then re-trained because I felt that there had to be more to life than pushing paper around!

I was a Psychotherapist in private practice from 1987 until 2009.  I was born in New Hampshire, U.S.A. and because of my English Mother, I grew up in Lydney, Gloucestershire, England.  I returned to this area and live with the tranquillity of the beautiful Forest of Dean.

Previously, I had a successful counselling practice in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, England for 17 years.  My professional education comes mainly from the U.S.A. where I was awarded a degree in Business Management and went on to study for a master’s degree in community psychology.  My Father died and I returned to England with my Mother.

I was also a Divorce Mediator for five years with the Family Mediators Association and a Professional Practice Consultant for the U.K. College of Family Mediation.  I bring that broad range of experience to my books “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” and “Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection”.  See the About Me page of my website: www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk for more information about my training and experience.  Both of these books are currently available in paperback from my website or via the book stores.  Both are Kindle e-books, available on my website also, and are e-pub available for other e-book readers via the major retailer’s on-line book stores in the U.K. and the U.S.A.

My latest book “Hugs & Emotional Wealth Change the World” is about how people can be kinder to each other using hugs and take personal responsibility for their quality of emotional wealth by understanding themselves better.  Thus the individual’s efforts will change the world as more people take care of themselves and thus others and the world in general.  Please do take a look at this book for all our sakes and especially for those of your children and grandchildren.

My Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth are re-packaged sections from the original book formulated as e-books.  They allow people to purchase information about specific topics and see what I have to say about them!  Amazon now offers:

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape – Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists

What Passes for Passion on TV

Walking on Egg Shells

Worry Doesn’t Fix Anything

My Drinking Isn’t a problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist

Loss is Part of Life

Why Walk Into A Therapists’ Office?  (Journey, Benefits and When Therapy Won’t Work)

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know about Love

How a Functional Family Might Look

How Not to be a Doormat

I would like people to stop and think about their relationships and would love people to feel empowered to create an emotionally wealthy world!

 

 

 

 

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Olympics 2012 and The Lives of Women

Even I have succumbed to the Olympic fever and watched the women’s judo.  So inspiring.  It is truly a sign of social change that there are so many female athletes at the Olympics now.

I was brought up by an English Mother who expected me to be a ‘lady’ as that was the way she had been raised.  The reality is that I am a mixture as my Father was an American army sergent, from the outback of New Hampshire, and he tried to teach me to do carpentry and car mechanics (and, yes, there have been many times I wish I had listened).

Now you have to take into account that the world was very different for women especially in the 1950′s when I was born.  Flowery summer dresses below the knee, and in winter my Mum wore tweed skirts, twinsets and pearls…even just in the house.

The sexual revolution of the 1960′s did not really impact on my life as I was too young to experiment with that kind of freedom, but it did change the lives of women as The Pill gave them freedom of choice.  Still it did not go as far as women ‘fighting’ as in judo and boxing like today.  Ladies being that physical would have been unthinkable.

Ballet, acrobatics, and tap dancing was the extent of my physical exercise except in the winter we did go ice skating.  When I left school I went to work – shocking as I was expected to stay at home with my parents until I got married and had children.  Not me – I got a job and a bed sit so that was another move away from being a lady.

In my thirties I did jog and I went cross country skiing.  More for losing weight than for the activity itself.  Would I have been an Olympic competitor if I had a different childhood?  I doubt it.  I have always preferred to curl up with a book -  do you think that is why I have ended up as an Author?

Congratulations to all the women, from all over the world, who are Olympians.  It is a great sporting achievement to be there and also the hallmark of a change in the social history of women.

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