Shockingly my 78 year old husband, after 17 years together, has announced he wants us to lead separate lives. I have decided that I will move out and divorce him because I do not want to spend whatever life I have left in a loveless marriage.
I am profoundly sad. I also know that I still have the strength to survive as I am only 63 years old. Between tears I have focused on doing all the practical things required: finding somewhere else to live, packing up, finding suppliers for the new lifestyle, finding movers to take what furniture I still own. I will be taking the rescued dog with me as I paid for him and he is registered in my name. The 7 rescued cats are a bit more difficult! He wants 2 of them, but I have decided to take them with me because I am the one who does the food and care-taking on a daily basis.
When my husband made his announcement he also said he did not want a divorce because of the money it would cost him. I do not want more than I am legally entitled to and my lawyer does say we are considered a long-term marriage. Thus a financial settlement is ahead. My husband is in for a surprise.
I was a divorce mediator for over 5 years and have gone and photocopied as many of the financial and legal documents that I could find in his desk. I am including this information here because it will really help to know what his assets are and what the account numbers are etc. People are expected to make a declaration of assets, yet I have seen people (particularly wealthy men) try to hide what monies are around. My advice to anyone in a similar position is that old saying ‘possession is 9/10ths of the law’.
I have started re-reading “The WHICH? Guide to Divorce” by Imogen Clout. It is a very practical guide to the legal and financial arrangements and includes some further information about issues affecting children. I would recommend not only reading this guide, but if you do have children, please take a look at my e-book “Parenting Your Way Through Divorce”. You do need to put the needs of the children first.
Grief is shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance and it is not a linear progression. You go in and out of the various stages. Luckily as a Psychotherapist for over 20 years I do understand how to grieve well. If you need more information do take a look at my e-book “Loss is Part of Life”.
I can see a new life opening up and will do my best to embrace whatever is ahead.