Domination!

My Twitter followers number over 1800 now and many are following, I suspect, because I am open about being a survivor of incest, rape and domestic violence.  My childhood suffering has driven a need within me for knowledge and understanding.  I’ve read all the self help books I could and I re-trained to do counselling when in my thirties. I trained as a divorce mediator also.  I’ve spent over twenty years looking at other people’s lives as well as my own.  You can find out more about me in my Amazon Author Bio and on the About Me page of www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk

One theme runs through a lot of my observations:  domination.  It does not need to be as severe as abuse.  It can be as subtle as not saying what you actually want.  It may be that one person in a relationship controls the money and, therefore, can chose where the couple live, what they eat, clothes they wear, and where they go.  This is an unbalanced relationship.  One person has more control than the other.

Negotiating a win win is the most equitable style of living togther so you both get some of what you each want. In a compromise, each person has to give up something to get to the middle, so negotiation is the best way forward.

When a persom is dominant it is being driven by fear and their inadequacies and an inability to cope. They usually have poor communication skills and those could be improved if the dominent person had the incentive to do that work.  In my opinion, counselling and personal growth is the only way forward.  Sadly for many who are dominent their very fears (particularly of change) keep them trapped and unable to seek help.  Frequently destroying a relationship – so sad.  Further, not a good example to any children of the relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

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Susan Price’s Book Review of “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth”

I requested Susan Price’s permission to re-print her book review here of my book Emotional Health For Emotional Wealth not just for “puffery”, but because I thought she did a brilliant job of a balanced and heartfelt review from one author of another.  It was originally published on IEBR.  We are both members of a professional writers’ group, yet because we work through the internet we have never met.  Susan Price works in a totally different genre and for me that is what made her comments about my work so valuable.  This is what she had to say:-

Susan Jane Smith’s photo shows someone very like the ideal grandmother: smiling, kind, wise, good humoured, ready to listen, and understand.

Her book shows this to be an accurate assessment.  Life experience has taught her wisdom.  Twenty years of counselling means that nothing surprises or shocks her.  Her advice may not be what you want to hear, but it’s probably what you need to hear.

Susan Jane Smith herself says that this is ‘another self-help book.’  What makes it different is the fine anger underlying the compassion and advice, and the passion for helping people to overcome the emotional pain she suffered herself.

Emotional pain means you cannot be healthy:  you cannot live at ease with yourself.  Nor can you be emotionally wealthy.  You may have material wealh – you may be driven to tirelessly acquire more and more ‘success’ – but emotional pain prevents you from relaxing, or simply, wholeheartedly enjoying anything.  The pain forever chafes and nags. 

It can be so established that it seems normal, yet it still hinders people, adversely influencing their choices in careers, in partners, life.

Susan Jane Smith knows all too well that attaining the peace of ‘emotional health’ isn’t easy.  Habits are hard to change, and trying often rouses old terrors:  but many live with such distress they are willing to work hard to be rid of it:  to endure the nightmares, the withdrawal, the loss of family and friends…whatever it takes.

Susan Smith went through this struggle herself, and relates how, after years of counselling, she woke one day to a puzzling sensation:  an absence of the emotional pain that had chafed her for so long.  The experience set her on a crusade:  to qualify as a counsellor so she could relieve others’ pain.

Her message is simple:  if you don’t like your life, change it.  If you can’t understand what is causing your pain, don’t know what to change, or how to begin – then find a therapist to help you puzzle it out, and encourge you when it gets tough.

Her advice is excellent, but she doesn’t expect you simply to accept it, and recommends many other titles and organisations for consultation.  The book is a veritable self-therapy source-book.

She discusses the pain caused by the abuse of children, domestic violence and rape – and also the addictions and compulsive habits so often employed as a desperate way of controlling the resulting emotional pain:  alcoholism and other drug abuse, compulsive eating and starving, over-work and self-harm.

But the advice is always based on what Susan Smith has found to be pratical and effective.  It is admiraly down-to-earth and realistic.

She has counselled abusers and rapists, and although she has compassion for them, her attitude is refreshingly steely: “My understanding from the people I have worked with who perpetrated abuse is that they simply ‘wanted to’ and could.  They have a callous disregard for the victim…One man said…it would be a crime [only] if the victim told the police.  Distorted thinking!”

The book’s empowering anger is inspired by injustice, cruelty and apathy.  a Telegraph headline – ‘Child Abuse Won’t be Overcome Until We Define What It is’ – makes her demand:  Do governments and social services still not know what it is?  She provides, from her experience, a full definition for their assistance. [http://authorselectric.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/physical-and-emotional-abuse-hurts.html]

She has listened to the damaged adult victims of every kind of child abuse:  children hit with pokers, constantly ridiculed, left hungry and cold for days, raped.  Her fervent wish, I think, is for us all to sort ourselves out and stop treating each other so badly!

As the old Russian tales says, ‘There would be no suffering on earth…if only we were kind to each other.’

Sadly, that time will never come, but Susan Jane Smith will battle on – an odd, but brave, shining knight.

Almost everyone would gain some insight, some help from reading this book – and if you are one of the many bruised and reeling from a cruel childhood, or rape, or assault by a partner – to name only a few possible traumas – I think this book would be a strong, supportive, wise friend.”

To learn more about Susan Price please see:

www.susanpriceauthor.com

http://susanpricesblog.blogspot.co.uk

http://electricauthors.jimdo.com

www.AuthorsElectric.co.uk

 

 

 

 

 

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