Shockingly my 78 year old husband, after 17 years together, has announced he wants us to lead separate lives.  I have decided that I will move out and divorce him because I do not want to spend whatever life I have left in a loveless marriage.

I am profoundly sad.  I also know that I still have the strength to survive as I am only 63 years old.  Between tears I have focused on doing all the practical things required:  finding somewhere else to live, packing up, finding suppliers for the new lifestyle, finding movers to take what furniture I still own.  I will be taking the rescued dog with me as I paid for him and he is registered in my name.  The 7 rescued cats are a bit more difficult!  He wants 2 of them, but I have decided to take them with me because I am the one who does the food and care-taking on a daily basis.

When my husband made his announcement he also said he did not want a divorce because of the money it would cost him.  I do not want more than I am legally entitled to and my lawyer does say we are considered a long-term marriage.  Thus a financial settlement is ahead.  My husband is in for a surprise.

I was a divorce mediator for over 5 years and have gone and photocopied as many of the financial and legal documents that I could find in his desk.  I am including this information here because it will really help to know what his assets are and what the account numbers are etc.  People are expected to make a declaration of assets, yet I have seen people (particularly wealthy men) try to hide what monies are around.  My advice to anyone in a similar position is that old saying ‘possession is 9/10ths of the law’.

I have started re-reading “The WHICH? Guide to Divorce” by Imogen Clout.  It is a very practical guide to the legal and financial arrangements and includes some further information about issues affecting children.  I would recommend not only reading this guide, but if you do have children, please take a look at my e-book “Parenting Your Way Through Divorce”.  You do need to put the needs of the children first.

Grief is shock, sadness, anger, and acceptance and it is not a linear progression.  You go in and out of the various stages.  Luckily as a Psychotherapist for over 20 years I do understand how to grieve well.  If you need more information do take a look at my e-book “Loss is Part of Life”.

I can see a new life opening up and will do my best to embrace whatever is ahead.


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My Twitter followers number over 1800 now and many are following, I suspect, because I am open about being a survivor of incest, rape and domestic violence.  My childhood suffering has driven a need within me for knowledge and understanding.  I’ve read all the self help books I could and I re-trained to do counselling when in my thirties. I trained as a divorce mediator also.  I’ve spent over twenty years looking at other people’s lives as well as my own.  You can find out more about me in my Amazon Author Bio and on the About Me page of www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk

One theme runs through a lot of my observations:  domination.  It does not need to be as severe as abuse.  It can be as subtle as not saying what you actually want.  It may be that one person in a relationship controls the money and, therefore, can chose where the couple live, what they eat, clothes they wear, and where they go.  This is an unbalanced relationship.  One person has more control than the other.

Negotiating a win win is the most equitable style of living togther so you both get some of what you each want. In a compromise, each person has to give up something to get to the middle, so negotiation is the best way forward.

When a persom is dominant it is being driven by fear and their inadequacies and an inability to cope. They usually have poor communication skills and those could be improved if the dominent person had the incentive to do that work.  In my opinion, counselling and personal growth is the only way forward.  Sadly for many who are dominent their very fears (particularly of change) keep them trapped and unable to seek help.  Frequently destroying a relationship – so sad.  Further, not a good example to any children of the relationship.






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Creating Healthy Emotions!

Did you know that this website (www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk) has a sister site in the making?  We recently delivered our draft to the designer for www.HealthyEmotions.co.uk and it will launch within the next few weeks.  My business partner (Elaine Barnes) and I are very excited about this project.  We are intending to bring audio material to people with dyslexia and those people who have similar difficulties with reading.  The focus will be on emotional issues because that is where our expertise lies – we are both experienced Counsellors..

Thus, I have been reading the e-book Like A Virgin by Richard Branson to see if I can learn to think like an entrepreneur!  I admire not only his business expertise, but the fact that he thinks “outside the box”.  The more research I have done into dyslexia the more it appears that thinking differently to other people may well be a hallmark of someone using dyslexia to develop creative solutions.  Just because a person did not fit into the conventional educational system does in no way mean that they are stupid.  Being a square peg in the round hole of academia may be uncomfortable and alternative learning found.

Since Sir Richard Branson (founder of the Virgin Group of businesses) is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world, what he has to say about business struck me as appropriate learning for me.  My bachelor’s degree is in business management, but from 1985, so well out of date!  Tips that I have learnt from reading Like A Virgin:- take calculated risks, be willing to change your mind or direction if something isn’t working, focus on the future – don’t dwell on mistakes, bring talented people together, communication is key – listen to customers and staff.  Above all have fun!

There is a lot of other knowledge in Like A Virgin so I would thoroughly recommend you purchase a copy for yourself if you are in business.

Watch my blogs at www.Goodreads.com for more of my thoughts about what Healthy Emotions Ltd. can learn from Virgin!

Please contact us at Healthy Emotions if you are dyslexic or have a loved one who is dyslexic.  We would like to hear from you about your experiences.

Email:  Susan@HealthyEmotions.co.uk or Elaine@HealthyEmotions.co.uk




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The Trouble with Porn – India, Rape & the Police.

Pornography allows men to think of a woman’s body as just an object.  If they look at porn enough it is easy to forget that the person in front of them during sex is a human being with feelings.  The rape levels in India are not helped by the level of pornography and pornographic ‘jokes’ which obviously are not funny.

When there is a patriarchal culture there is an erroneous belief that men are superior and thus women inferior.  This further enhances an inadequate man’s belief that he can behave however he wishes, especially sexually…sexual harassment, domestic violence, rape.

Attitudes need to change for India to be accepted into the international community of our modern high tech world.  People know very quickly about behaviour in all countries now that the internet connects us.

The USA did a wonderful job (decades ago) of educating it’s police force by using rape crisis groups to teach them about what is acceptable and what is not.  Now it is time for India and other countries to force their police to think through their behaviour and take complaints seriously.  Laws alone won’t do the necessary – if the police ignore complaints people won’t complain.  That is what I understand is happening in India.  Where else?

What is your police force’s rape protocol?  Do you know?  Maybe it is time you asked!

Please see what I have to say about rapists and marital rape in particular in my Amazon Self Help E-book:-

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By Susan Jane Smith B.Sc.


Forget ‘Dancing Queen ‘ (song by Abba) I think I’ve become the Self-Help Queen now that my 23 books/e-books are for sale on Amazon!

I am a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby.  I spent 3 years in counselling in the U.S.A. and turned my life around personally and professionally.  I re-trained.

Over 20 years as a Psychotherapist and 5 years as a Divorce Mediator followed.  Now I am writing self-help e-books to help other people.  I hope my books will inspire you to change your life if you are sad, angry, stressed, depressed or unhappy.

My 17 e-books in the Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth were written to give you a starting place – some basic information and support.  Through Amazon they are selling world-wide:  U.S.A., Canada, U.K., France, Germany, Spain, Italy, India, Brazil, Japan, China and via http://www.Amazon.com in Australia and New Zealand.

If you read self-help books please check these out:-

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists (about domestic violence)

What Passes for Passion on TV (about loving too much/obsessing)

Walking on Egg Shells (about anger)

My Drinking Isn’t A Problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist (about stress)

Loss is Part of Life (about bereavement and other loss)

Why Walk Into a Therapist’s Office?

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know About Love

How a Functional Family Might Look Like

How Not To Be A Doormat


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Women Be Warned – Charming Men Can Have a Dark Side

A man who makes a woman feel great about herself is very seductive.  It feels wonderful to be that woman.  The trouble is that somewhere down the road you will realise that your self esteem was poor in the first place since you needed that man to make you feel good about yourself.  Then if he takes that away you can plummet to the depths of despair if you are not careful.  Ever been in this situation?  I certainly have, repeatedly, until I figured it out!

When a woman’s self esteem is good she has a solid sense of who she is and what she wants from life.  She no longer has to accept what other people give her.  That is the best place to be and if you are not there do go to counselling until you get to that good place please.

The connection for me between a charming man and a chauvinist is control issues.  What a charming man does is use that charm to get all that he wants and when he does not get his own way you may find that he quickly becomes Mr. Nasty and spite-full.  That is because his self esteem is poor and underneath the facade he feels inadequate and probably is emotionally inadequate.

A chauvinist is also into control because he believes men are superior and thus should be in control.  Obviously, since I believe women are equal and different I cannot agree that we should be in a one-down position.

Want to know more about what I think about living with a controlling man or in a domestic violence situation?  Read my latest Kindle e-book “Charming Men and Chavuinists” £1 from Amazon or go to the store page of this website: 


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Mini KOBO and Digital Technology

Now you need to understand that I am not technologically minded.  Yes, as an electrically published author, I do know how to use the computer for writing and that’s as far as it goes.  Thus, my adventure into buying an MP4 Player took several hours on www.Amazon.co.uk as I tried to assess the differences between an MP3 Player and the MP4 and then what all the different makers were offering!

I did buy an MP4 player for £14.99 because that seemed a reasonable price to waste if I hated it.  Well, it’s arrived and is lovely to look at and to hold and it promises to give me sterio for music (apparently I can download music to it).  Further, it gives me an FM radio it says, video capability, a camera, and the ability to read e-books on it!  Great if only I could figure out the instructions about how to make it all work.  I need to find a teenager I think!

When I bought my Kindle about 18 months ago it was love at first sight.  I loved it from the moment I held it and felt that it was just as good to read on as to read a paperback book.  Yet, I’ve just been seduced by a Mini Kobo (another e-book reader).  A totally different experience.  It was only £59.99 from W H Smith (bookshop in England) and is tiny by comparison to my Kindle but still readable.  It’s light as a feather to hold and great for the handbag, too.  Just adorable.

My justification for buying a second e-book reader is that I have just had two of my books (Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth and Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection) formatted by Matt Horner at ebookpartnerships so that they can be distributed through Gardeners Books Ltd (England) and Ingrams (USA) to the large retail book sellers like Waterstones, Foyles, Tesco, Barnes & Noble etc.  Buy purchasing a copy of my books via my Kobo I will be able to check that the royalty payments system is working well!

Are you sad, angry, stressed or in an unhappy relationship?  Buy for your Kobo or Kindle Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth.  You can also purchase my books via my own website: www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk




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A Blogging Virgin

Welcome to my first blog on my new-look website! I am coming to terms with a career change!

A couple of years ago I retired – had been a Psychotherapist for over 20 years. Plus, for 5 years I had been a Divorce Mediator with the Family Mediators Association and was a Professional Practice Consultant for the U. K. College of Family Mediation.

That training and experience (see About Me on this website) was the basis for my first writing effort. It took me 6 years to write “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” and during that time I was asked to write “Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection”.

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