Domination!

My Twitter followers number over 1800 now and many are following, I suspect, because I am open about being a survivor of incest, rape and domestic violence.  My childhood suffering has driven a need within me for knowledge and understanding.  I’ve read all the self help books I could and I re-trained to do counselling when in my thirties. I trained as a divorce mediator also.  I’ve spent over twenty years looking at other people’s lives as well as my own.  You can find out more about me in my Amazon Author Bio and on the About Me page of www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk

One theme runs through a lot of my observations:  domination.  It does not need to be as severe as abuse.  It can be as subtle as not saying what you actually want.  It may be that one person in a relationship controls the money and, therefore, can chose where the couple live, what they eat, clothes they wear, and where they go.  This is an unbalanced relationship.  One person has more control than the other.

Negotiating a win win is the most equitable style of living togther so you both get some of what you each want. In a compromise, each person has to give up something to get to the middle, so negotiation is the best way forward.

When a persom is dominant it is being driven by fear and their inadequacies and an inability to cope. They usually have poor communication skills and those could be improved if the dominent person had the incentive to do that work.  In my opinion, counselling and personal growth is the only way forward.  Sadly for many who are dominent their very fears (particularly of change) keep them trapped and unable to seek help.  Frequently destroying a relationship – so sad.  Further, not a good example to any children of the relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

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SELF HELP QUEEN!

By Susan Jane Smith B.Sc.

 

Forget ‘Dancing Queen ‘ (song by Abba) I think I’ve become the Self-Help Queen now that my 23 books/e-books are for sale on Amazon!

I am a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby.  I spent 3 years in counselling in the U.S.A. and turned my life around personally and professionally.  I re-trained.

Over 20 years as a Psychotherapist and 5 years as a Divorce Mediator followed.  Now I am writing self-help e-books to help other people.  I hope my books will inspire you to change your life if you are sad, angry, stressed, depressed or unhappy.

My 17 e-books in the Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth were written to give you a starting place – some basic information and support.  Through Amazon they are selling world-wide:  U.S.A., Canada, U.K., France, Germany, Spain, Italy, India, Brazil, Japan, China and via http://www.Amazon.com in Australia and New Zealand.

If you read self-help books please check these out:-

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists (about domestic violence)

What Passes for Passion on TV (about loving too much/obsessing)

Walking on Egg Shells (about anger)

My Drinking Isn’t A Problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist (about stress)

Loss is Part of Life (about bereavement and other loss)

Why Walk Into a Therapist’s Office?

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know About Love

How a Functional Family Might Look Like

How Not To Be A Doormat

 

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Profile Update! Social Media Takes Time!
Author

Well, I have had a busy few days updating my profile on www.Goodreads.com, www.facebook.com/EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk, Linked In, and have still to do Google + and Twitter!  I have also got my website designers to update my website so take a look at the store page in a couple of days – it should show 23 books for sale by Christmas!

Updating my biography has taken the longest and I am publishing the updated version here too just in case you want to know more about me!

I have been motivated by authors like Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers, Susan Forward, Rhonda Byrne, and Paul McKenna.  Now it is my chance to inspire positive change in other people.  I turned to books to learn about how to heal and create a happier life.  As a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby, I went against my family norm and undertook counselling to sort out my feelings.  I turned my life around and hope that you will be able to gain some insight and support from my self-help e-books.

After a career in admin I gained a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Management in my thirties.  I then re-trained because I felt that there had to be more to life than pushing paper around!

I was a Psychotherapist in private practice from 1987 until 2009.  I was born in New Hampshire, U.S.A. and because of my English Mother, I grew up in Lydney, Gloucestershire, England.  I returned to this area and live with the tranquillity of the beautiful Forest of Dean.

Previously, I had a successful counselling practice in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, England for 17 years.  My professional education comes mainly from the U.S.A. where I was awarded a degree in Business Management and went on to study for a master’s degree in community psychology.  My Father died and I returned to England with my Mother.

I was also a Divorce Mediator for five years with the Family Mediators Association and a Professional Practice Consultant for the U.K. College of Family Mediation.  I bring that broad range of experience to my books “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” and “Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection”.  See the About Me page of my website: www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk for more information about my training and experience.  Both of these books are currently available in paperback from my website or via the book stores.  Both are Kindle e-books, available on my website also, and are e-pub available for other e-book readers via the major retailer’s on-line book stores in the U.K. and the U.S.A.

My latest book “Hugs & Emotional Wealth Change the World” is about how people can be kinder to each other using hugs and take personal responsibility for their quality of emotional wealth by understanding themselves better.  Thus the individual’s efforts will change the world as more people take care of themselves and thus others and the world in general.  Please do take a look at this book for all our sakes and especially for those of your children and grandchildren.

My Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth are re-packaged sections from the original book formulated as e-books.  They allow people to purchase information about specific topics and see what I have to say about them!  Amazon now offers:

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape – Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists

What Passes for Passion on TV

Walking on Egg Shells

Worry Doesn’t Fix Anything

My Drinking Isn’t a problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist

Loss is Part of Life

Why Walk Into A Therapists’ Office?  (Journey, Benefits and When Therapy Won’t Work)

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know about Love

How a Functional Family Might Look

How Not to be a Doormat

I would like people to stop and think about their relationships and would love people to feel empowered to create an emotionally wealthy world!

 

 

 

 

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Let Me Tell You About Adele

Adelle was a little girl who went to stay with some relatives in a big city.  One day a man offered her some marbles.  She followed him to his home, but it was not just marbles that were waiting for her there.  To find out more please read my book/e-book “Sexual Abuse & Incest”- it’s priced at £1 for accessibility.

I’ll be writing blogs that are inspired by my books.  In my opinion, my e-book “Sexual Abuse & Incest” is great value for money!  It is based on over 20 years of helping victims become survivors and go on to thrive.  If child sexual abuse or incest has been a part of your life do take a look and see the other resources contained therein.

My passion about this particular book comes from the fact that I have managed to survive incestuous abuse from my biological father when I was 2 years to 7 years old.  When I needed help with this 30 years ago there was very little written.  I ended up reading mostly research papers.  Clinical Psychologist, Essie Hull, managed to get me to face all the pain that I buried for so long.  She saved my life.

Incest is the betrayal of trust – and I think the worst because it leaves you without family support all too often.  The non-offending parent frequently will take a perpetrator’s side over that of the child because they really do not want to believe it could be true.

Now that does not mean that child sexual abuse is not a betrayal of trust – obviously it is.  So is physical and emotional child abuse.  Sometimes a child gets lucky and gets some support from a family member.  Sometimes not.

Whilst Social Workers are over-worked and burdened by too heavy a case load, I do not understand the public’s hesitancy to ask for their help.  That’s probably a different blog.

Statistically everyone knows someone who has been abused in some way.  Please do tell anyone you know (who needs my book as a starting place) about my book because no child should carry the burden of being abused.  The child is not to blame.  If you want to understand more, educate yourself by reading my book and the others that are now available…particularly “The Courage to Heal” by Elaine Bass and Laura Davies.

A couple of decades ago a client wrote this poem about her experiences.  I have long since lost contact with her so have not been able to get her permission to re-print it, but given how she felt about it at the time I think she would be glad if it might help someone else know that they are not alone.  I still cry every time I read this:-

THE PAIN

Memories that I wish could be mine

A Daddy so caring, strong, so fine

A man to admire, worship, adore

A source of guidance, loving and sure

A safe love: one that shelters and shields

A wise discipline he gently wields

But sadly these will never be true

The man who fathered me was you

The memories I can recall

Invaded my body, raped my soul

A childhood innocence and trust

Twisted and broken to serve your lust

The taste, the smell, the look in your eyes

The vicious words, the callous lies

My tears – your aim, my pain – your pleasure

What memories for you to treasure!

A little girl made to whimper and cower

Was this your idea of masculine power?

‘Evil’ the word, no other will do

For the years of hell you put me through

You hurt, despised, degraded and defiled

You had total control when I was a child

I kept your secret for so many years

It burdened my life, walled-up my tears

So long the pain I’ve had to hide

Repressed, twisted, buried, denied

I let nobody close, no one could know

For fear the badness inside me would show

But soon I’ll be angry, bitter and sad

Grieve for the childhood that I never had

There’s no turning back, I want to be free

And find the woman I am meant to be

The path is so hard though, the road so long

I tremble and doubt, can I be so strong?

I follow the flame of life inside

It’s burned so low, but never quite died.

All this is true of little boys too.  For some it is abuse by a mother and some a father and some another relative or person.  It still destroys lives unless you reach out and tell – preferably a professional.

 

 

 

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