Domination!

My Twitter followers number over 1800 now and many are following, I suspect, because I am open about being a survivor of incest, rape and domestic violence.  My childhood suffering has driven a need within me for knowledge and understanding.  I’ve read all the self help books I could and I re-trained to do counselling when in my thirties. I trained as a divorce mediator also.  I’ve spent over twenty years looking at other people’s lives as well as my own.  You can find out more about me in my Amazon Author Bio and on the About Me page of www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk

One theme runs through a lot of my observations:  domination.  It does not need to be as severe as abuse.  It can be as subtle as not saying what you actually want.  It may be that one person in a relationship controls the money and, therefore, can chose where the couple live, what they eat, clothes they wear, and where they go.  This is an unbalanced relationship.  One person has more control than the other.

Negotiating a win win is the most equitable style of living togther so you both get some of what you each want. In a compromise, each person has to give up something to get to the middle, so negotiation is the best way forward.

When a persom is dominant it is being driven by fear and their inadequacies and an inability to cope. They usually have poor communication skills and those could be improved if the dominent person had the incentive to do that work.  In my opinion, counselling and personal growth is the only way forward.  Sadly for many who are dominent their very fears (particularly of change) keep them trapped and unable to seek help.  Frequently destroying a relationship – so sad.  Further, not a good example to any children of the relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

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Creating Healthy Emotions!

Did you know that this website (www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk) has a sister site in the making?  We recently delivered our draft to the designer for www.HealthyEmotions.co.uk and it will launch within the next few weeks.  My business partner (Elaine Barnes) and I are very excited about this project.  We are intending to bring audio material to people with dyslexia and those people who have similar difficulties with reading.  The focus will be on emotional issues because that is where our expertise lies – we are both experienced Counsellors..

Thus, I have been reading the e-book Like A Virgin by Richard Branson to see if I can learn to think like an entrepreneur!  I admire not only his business expertise, but the fact that he thinks “outside the box”.  The more research I have done into dyslexia the more it appears that thinking differently to other people may well be a hallmark of someone using dyslexia to develop creative solutions.  Just because a person did not fit into the conventional educational system does in no way mean that they are stupid.  Being a square peg in the round hole of academia may be uncomfortable and alternative learning found.

Since Sir Richard Branson (founder of the Virgin Group of businesses) is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in the world, what he has to say about business struck me as appropriate learning for me.  My bachelor’s degree is in business management, but from 1985, so well out of date!  Tips that I have learnt from reading Like A Virgin:- take calculated risks, be willing to change your mind or direction if something isn’t working, focus on the future – don’t dwell on mistakes, bring talented people together, communication is key – listen to customers and staff.  Above all have fun!

There is a lot of other knowledge in Like A Virgin so I would thoroughly recommend you purchase a copy for yourself if you are in business.

Watch my blogs at www.Goodreads.com for more of my thoughts about what Healthy Emotions Ltd. can learn from Virgin!

Please contact us at Healthy Emotions if you are dyslexic or have a loved one who is dyslexic.  We would like to hear from you about your experiences.

Email:  Susan@HealthyEmotions.co.uk or Elaine@HealthyEmotions.co.uk

 

 

 

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Hypnotic Gastric Band

Paul McKenna has just brought out a new book with a CD and DVD.  I believe it is excellent and will revolutionise the world!  It’s for sale on Amazon ISBN 978-0-593-07074-1 for just over £8.  So much cheaper than surgery and pain free!

I was a Psychotherapist for over 20 years (see my training and experience on the About Me page).  Now I am a writer of self-help books – check out my Author Bio on Amazon (20 e-books and 3 paperbacks).  I have also struggled with my weight all my life.  I’ve been up and down and overweight for the last 30 years.

I have used Paul McKenna’s other work – especially to help me lose 2 stone recently.  Now I am delighted he has done this latest book.

At 61 years old and 5’3″ I weighed 16 stone 6 lbs and had type 2 diabetes.  Enough was enough and I knew I had to take responsibility for my body and my health.  It’s been a bumpy two years since then.  I managed to get myself off insulin (I had bad insulin resistance) and all diabetes medication by reading a book I found on the internet “Diabetes without Drugs” by a pharmacist, Suzy Cohen RPh.

When I was first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and was told that it is a degenerative disease I lost the will to live.  I felt defeated.  The NHS unwittingly took away my hope.  The doctor and the diabetes nurse specialist didn’t do anything wrong – they were simply following the system and current thinking.

When I decided to change my life it was because of the internet.  On Twitter I kept glimpsing the idea that if you lost enough weight you could get rid of Type 2 diabetes.  I still don’t know if this is true or not but I decided it was worth a try.

Recently, if I understood him correctly, there is a surgeon on the TV programme “Weight Loss Ward” that believes the NHS could save millions of pounds (money & fat that is) by providing more weight loss surgery. It would reduce the drug bills.

I won’t have any proof that Paul McKenna’s hypnotic gastric band works until April when I am due for my  next set of blood tests and diabetic review.  I will blog again then with the results so watch this space!

I have decided to tell the British Prime Minister and the Health Secretary about the hypnotic gastric band now just in case they want to order some research on the subject.  I am not very hopeful.  I am also about to send out a  press release internationally just in case this could help obese people all over the world.  I have no financial connection to Paul McKenna – I just think he is on to something that could improve people’s quality of life.

What I can tell you so far from my personal experience is that my stomach simply does not want me to eat more than half a cup or 2 oz of nutritious food.  This is a massive change in my portion sizes so that alone would improve my weight over time.

If you cannot believe it could work please do some independent research for yourself into hypnosis and trance logic and at least read his book.

Paul McKenna worked with Dr Mark Cohen an Endocrinologist who specialises in treating obesity.  I am willing to bet that the system they have come up with is revolutionary so why not give it a try if you are overweight?  What have you got to lose?

 

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The Trouble with Porn – India, Rape & the Police.

Pornography allows men to think of a woman’s body as just an object.  If they look at porn enough it is easy to forget that the person in front of them during sex is a human being with feelings.  The rape levels in India are not helped by the level of pornography and pornographic ‘jokes’ which obviously are not funny.

When there is a patriarchal culture there is an erroneous belief that men are superior and thus women inferior.  This further enhances an inadequate man’s belief that he can behave however he wishes, especially sexually…sexual harassment, domestic violence, rape.

Attitudes need to change for India to be accepted into the international community of our modern high tech world.  People know very quickly about behaviour in all countries now that the internet connects us.

The USA did a wonderful job (decades ago) of educating it’s police force by using rape crisis groups to teach them about what is acceptable and what is not.  Now it is time for India and other countries to force their police to think through their behaviour and take complaints seriously.  Laws alone won’t do the necessary – if the police ignore complaints people won’t complain.  That is what I understand is happening in India.  Where else?

What is your police force’s rape protocol?  Do you know?  Maybe it is time you asked!

Please see what I have to say about rapists and marital rape in particular in my Amazon Self Help E-book:-

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Coronation Street Domestic Violence

English TV has a soap opera called “Coronation Street”.  It’s one that I have watched for years and was initially pleased that they started displaying a domestic violence scenario.  I initially thought the writers were being clever showing domestic violence from a woman to a man as a way of bringing the information home to people more effectively.

It wasn’t until last night that I realised that they were intending to demonstrate female to male domestic abuse.  Whilst this does occur it is a small percentage of domestic violence cases.  Frequently the abuse a man can inflict is also greater than a woman can do as harm to a man.

Year’s ago I ran a rape and domestic violence crisis centre and yes, men do get raped and they do get abused by women.  In my opinion and experience that is not the majority of cases and thus I am concerned that the Coronation Street show is creating an inappropriate illusion in the minds of the viewing public.  What do you think?

See my self-help e-book to see more about what I think!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B009T5BDAI

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SELF HELP QUEEN!

By Susan Jane Smith B.Sc.

 

Forget ‘Dancing Queen ‘ (song by Abba) I think I’ve become the Self-Help Queen now that my 23 books/e-books are for sale on Amazon!

I am a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby.  I spent 3 years in counselling in the U.S.A. and turned my life around personally and professionally.  I re-trained.

Over 20 years as a Psychotherapist and 5 years as a Divorce Mediator followed.  Now I am writing self-help e-books to help other people.  I hope my books will inspire you to change your life if you are sad, angry, stressed, depressed or unhappy.

My 17 e-books in the Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth were written to give you a starting place – some basic information and support.  Through Amazon they are selling world-wide:  U.S.A., Canada, U.K., France, Germany, Spain, Italy, India, Brazil, Japan, China and via http://www.Amazon.com in Australia and New Zealand.

If you read self-help books please check these out:-

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists (about domestic violence)

What Passes for Passion on TV (about loving too much/obsessing)

Walking on Egg Shells (about anger)

My Drinking Isn’t A Problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist (about stress)

Loss is Part of Life (about bereavement and other loss)

Why Walk Into a Therapist’s Office?

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know About Love

How a Functional Family Might Look Like

How Not To Be A Doormat

 

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Profile Update! Social Media Takes Time!
Author

Well, I have had a busy few days updating my profile on www.Goodreads.com, www.facebook.com/EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk, Linked In, and have still to do Google + and Twitter!  I have also got my website designers to update my website so take a look at the store page in a couple of days – it should show 23 books for sale by Christmas!

Updating my biography has taken the longest and I am publishing the updated version here too just in case you want to know more about me!

I have been motivated by authors like Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers, Susan Forward, Rhonda Byrne, and Paul McKenna.  Now it is my chance to inspire positive change in other people.  I turned to books to learn about how to heal and create a happier life.  As a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby, I went against my family norm and undertook counselling to sort out my feelings.  I turned my life around and hope that you will be able to gain some insight and support from my self-help e-books.

After a career in admin I gained a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Management in my thirties.  I then re-trained because I felt that there had to be more to life than pushing paper around!

I was a Psychotherapist in private practice from 1987 until 2009.  I was born in New Hampshire, U.S.A. and because of my English Mother, I grew up in Lydney, Gloucestershire, England.  I returned to this area and live with the tranquillity of the beautiful Forest of Dean.

Previously, I had a successful counselling practice in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, England for 17 years.  My professional education comes mainly from the U.S.A. where I was awarded a degree in Business Management and went on to study for a master’s degree in community psychology.  My Father died and I returned to England with my Mother.

I was also a Divorce Mediator for five years with the Family Mediators Association and a Professional Practice Consultant for the U.K. College of Family Mediation.  I bring that broad range of experience to my books “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” and “Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection”.  See the About Me page of my website: www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk for more information about my training and experience.  Both of these books are currently available in paperback from my website or via the book stores.  Both are Kindle e-books, available on my website also, and are e-pub available for other e-book readers via the major retailer’s on-line book stores in the U.K. and the U.S.A.

My latest book “Hugs & Emotional Wealth Change the World” is about how people can be kinder to each other using hugs and take personal responsibility for their quality of emotional wealth by understanding themselves better.  Thus the individual’s efforts will change the world as more people take care of themselves and thus others and the world in general.  Please do take a look at this book for all our sakes and especially for those of your children and grandchildren.

My Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth are re-packaged sections from the original book formulated as e-books.  They allow people to purchase information about specific topics and see what I have to say about them!  Amazon now offers:

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape – Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists

What Passes for Passion on TV

Walking on Egg Shells

Worry Doesn’t Fix Anything

My Drinking Isn’t a problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist

Loss is Part of Life

Why Walk Into A Therapists’ Office?  (Journey, Benefits and When Therapy Won’t Work)

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know about Love

How a Functional Family Might Look

How Not to be a Doormat

I would like people to stop and think about their relationships and would love people to feel empowered to create an emotionally wealthy world!

 

 

 

 

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Women Be Warned – Charming Men Can Have a Dark Side

A man who makes a woman feel great about herself is very seductive.  It feels wonderful to be that woman.  The trouble is that somewhere down the road you will realise that your self esteem was poor in the first place since you needed that man to make you feel good about yourself.  Then if he takes that away you can plummet to the depths of despair if you are not careful.  Ever been in this situation?  I certainly have, repeatedly, until I figured it out!

When a woman’s self esteem is good she has a solid sense of who she is and what she wants from life.  She no longer has to accept what other people give her.  That is the best place to be and if you are not there do go to counselling until you get to that good place please.

The connection for me between a charming man and a chauvinist is control issues.  What a charming man does is use that charm to get all that he wants and when he does not get his own way you may find that he quickly becomes Mr. Nasty and spite-full.  That is because his self esteem is poor and underneath the facade he feels inadequate and probably is emotionally inadequate.

A chauvinist is also into control because he believes men are superior and thus should be in control.  Obviously, since I believe women are equal and different I cannot agree that we should be in a one-down position.

Want to know more about what I think about living with a controlling man or in a domestic violence situation?  Read my latest Kindle e-book “Charming Men and Chavuinists” £1 from Amazon or go to the store page of this website: 

www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk

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Dyslexia – Does it Affect Your Life?

A colleague, Elaine Barnes, and I are just setting up a website called www.HealthyEmotions.co.uk for people with dyslexia and for their family, friends, employers etc.  We would love to hear from you if you are dyslexic or have been affected by it in someone you know.  Please email us:  Susan@HealthyEmotions.co.uk

We have also set up a Facebook Page called Healthy Emotions so you could contact us via that too if you prefer.

You can follow us on Twitter:  Elaine Barnes @HealthyEmotions

What we would like to hear from you is how it affected you because it seems every person’s story is slightly different.  We want to know what would be useful to you and what emotional impact it has had on you.

We are therapists and therefore we are coming at this project from an emotional perspective – has low self esteem been an issue for you, lack of confidence, frustration because other people don’t understand?  Whatever it is we want to know about it please.  You do not have to disclose your name if you would prefer not to do so.

Also, would having an “agony aunt” be useful for you – to have someone who will listen to how you feel?

In the meantime I’d recommend a book by Michael Ryden “Dyslexia:  How Would I Cope?” ISBN 978-1-85302-385-9

 

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Alloxan, Leptin & Obesity – Connection?

I was horrified back in the Spring when I first found out about alloxan from the internet.  I could not believe that food manufacturers didn’t have to tell the public about it being in the food most people eat.  I was and am even more concerned for the health of the children consuming white bread, white flour pizza’s, cakes, cookies, biscuits and so many other products made with white flour.  It is also, apparently, in white sugar, white rice, and table salt so it is extremely hard to avoid.

Now the significance of alloxan (and you need to check this all out for yourselves by starting with a Google search of alloxan and then do one for leptin) is that because it is a by-product of the process using chlorine bleach to make our flour (etc.) white we are not required to be told that it is in our food.  It is not an ingredient.

Personally, I stopped eating white bread immediately!  My understanding is that alloxan is used in labratory animals to kill their pancreas so as to test diabetes drugs etc.  If it is capable of damaging my pancreas I certainly do not want to be putting it into my body!  Do you?

The pancreas produces insulin which we need to help process our food and in diabetics the pancreatic function is already questionable.  Why is our government, and those in the Western World, allowing this to go on without at least giving people sufficient information so that they can make their own choices about eating food containing alloxan?  By the way, I did write to David Cameron, Prime Minister of England and the current Health Secretary, Mr Lansley, when I found out about all this and it took two months for an acknowledgement letter to arrive – ignoring what I had said and just telling me about their intentions.  No one listening?

My book Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth includes a chapter on “Food and Thought” so I will issue the same disclaimer here as for my book:  whatever I say here is about my own personal experiences, observations and opinions – in no way does it represent advice nor is a recommendation.  You need to check out your own eating issues with your own medical doctor.  In that chapter you will see how our thinking affects what we eat so my comments here are purely about the physical aspects of what you might put into your mouth.  You might also want to read a blog I wrote on     12 July 2012 entitled “Food and Thought” at www.AuthorsElectric.co.uk

Now to leptin – ever heard of it?  I had not.  Let alone had I heard of leptin resistence.  Another find from the internet.  As someone who has struggled with my weight all my life I was fascinated and angry that doctors had never mentioned it – do they even understand it?  Will they test for it?  Here my understanding is that leptin is a chemical that our brain uses to tell us when to stop eating.  Leptin resistence slows the metabolism as the brain thinks we are being malnourished and gets us to continue eating.  Apparently, the natural fixers for this are vanadium and reversatrol but who has ever heard of them – can you get them on prescription?  What does your doctor say about leptin – ask, don’t take my word for this.  It seems like it is another factor in making people fatter than necessary.

Obesity in the USA and now in England may be increasing as food manufacturers are using fructose (corn syrup) in food instead of sugar beet or sugar cane.  Did you know?  It is cheaper for them to use this and thus make more money at the cost of our health?

To me it looks like fructose might have an addictive element about it.  Do you read the ingredient labels on the food and drinks you buy?  Time to start and find out exactly what you are putting in your body!

 

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