Japan Today Article

Twitter has allowed me to ‘meet’ people all around the world including the Editor of Japan Today an English language newspaper in Japan.  What a stroke of luck!  He kindly allowed me to send him a press release and then printed it!  I feel very honoured and absolutely thrilled to know that people in Japan know about me and my self help ebooks.  How marvelous the internet is for all of us!  It’s life changing for me!

Here is what was printed in Japan Today:-

“New Help for those with nowhere else to turn…

Tokyo – Domestic violence, rape, bullying, depression and alcoholism are more common in relationships than we care to think.  They are all issues most women don’t ever dare speak about, even to their mothers or closest friends.  But the wall of silence often surrounding them means many people have nowhere to turn for help they desperately need. 

Psychotherapist and Author, Susan Jane Smith, recognizes this is a problem potentially facing Japanese society, among others.  Her self-help book, “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” offers practical, sensitive guidance on dealing with these taboo subjects and many forms of emotional pain. 

( It is now available in Japan for the first time via http://Amazon.jp./gp/product/B005FFTNEY)

Subtitled “The View from the Therapist’s Office”, the book also includes chapters on love, parenting through divorce, stress and bereavement.  Smith has over 20 years’ experience as a psychotherapist in the UK and the USA.  She has counselled thousands of women – and men – in ways of coping with all manner of emotional challenges, both within and outside marriage and relationships.

“Nothing shocks me,” she says.  “But I know how difficult it can be for people to speak openly about things like domestic violence or abuse, particularly in non-Western cultures.  My book is designed to help them confront and manage all sorts of types of emotional pain.  This pain needs healing before a person can have the emotional wealth required for a happier life, hence the title of my book.”

“If you feel you can’t speak to anyone about your emotional problems or you just want to better understand how to deal with them, then “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” will give you support and guidance.”

Smith’s other self-help book “Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection” is also now available in Japan.  It is designed to enable betrothed couples to assess their relationship before the wedding and to highlight and hopefully address potential emotional problems.  As Smith states: “Marriage is so much more than just the ceremony.”

Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection” can be downloaded from Amazon on http://amazon.jp/gp/product/B005LSD62A

 Personally, I am very grateful that Japan Today published this information so if you know anyone in Japan please share it with them. 







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My Twitter followers number over 1800 now and many are following, I suspect, because I am open about being a survivor of incest, rape and domestic violence.  My childhood suffering has driven a need within me for knowledge and understanding.  I’ve read all the self help books I could and I re-trained to do counselling when in my thirties. I trained as a divorce mediator also.  I’ve spent over twenty years looking at other people’s lives as well as my own.  You can find out more about me in my Amazon Author Bio and on the About Me page of www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk

One theme runs through a lot of my observations:  domination.  It does not need to be as severe as abuse.  It can be as subtle as not saying what you actually want.  It may be that one person in a relationship controls the money and, therefore, can chose where the couple live, what they eat, clothes they wear, and where they go.  This is an unbalanced relationship.  One person has more control than the other.

Negotiating a win win is the most equitable style of living togther so you both get some of what you each want. In a compromise, each person has to give up something to get to the middle, so negotiation is the best way forward.

When a persom is dominant it is being driven by fear and their inadequacies and an inability to cope. They usually have poor communication skills and those could be improved if the dominent person had the incentive to do that work.  In my opinion, counselling and personal growth is the only way forward.  Sadly for many who are dominent their very fears (particularly of change) keep them trapped and unable to seek help.  Frequently destroying a relationship – so sad.  Further, not a good example to any children of the relationship.






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The Trouble with Porn – India, Rape & the Police.

Pornography allows men to think of a woman’s body as just an object.  If they look at porn enough it is easy to forget that the person in front of them during sex is a human being with feelings.  The rape levels in India are not helped by the level of pornography and pornographic ‘jokes’ which obviously are not funny.

When there is a patriarchal culture there is an erroneous belief that men are superior and thus women inferior.  This further enhances an inadequate man’s belief that he can behave however he wishes, especially sexually…sexual harassment, domestic violence, rape.

Attitudes need to change for India to be accepted into the international community of our modern high tech world.  People know very quickly about behaviour in all countries now that the internet connects us.

The USA did a wonderful job (decades ago) of educating it’s police force by using rape crisis groups to teach them about what is acceptable and what is not.  Now it is time for India and other countries to force their police to think through their behaviour and take complaints seriously.  Laws alone won’t do the necessary – if the police ignore complaints people won’t complain.  That is what I understand is happening in India.  Where else?

What is your police force’s rape protocol?  Do you know?  Maybe it is time you asked!

Please see what I have to say about rapists and marital rape in particular in my Amazon Self Help E-book:-

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Coronation Street Domestic Violence

English TV has a soap opera called “Coronation Street”.  It’s one that I have watched for years and was initially pleased that they started displaying a domestic violence scenario.  I initially thought the writers were being clever showing domestic violence from a woman to a man as a way of bringing the information home to people more effectively.

It wasn’t until last night that I realised that they were intending to demonstrate female to male domestic abuse.  Whilst this does occur it is a small percentage of domestic violence cases.  Frequently the abuse a man can inflict is also greater than a woman can do as harm to a man.

Year’s ago I ran a rape and domestic violence crisis centre and yes, men do get raped and they do get abused by women.  In my opinion and experience that is not the majority of cases and thus I am concerned that the Coronation Street show is creating an inappropriate illusion in the minds of the viewing public.  What do you think?

See my self-help e-book to see more about what I think!


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By Susan Jane Smith B.Sc.


Forget ‘Dancing Queen ‘ (song by Abba) I think I’ve become the Self-Help Queen now that my 23 books/e-books are for sale on Amazon!

I am a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby.  I spent 3 years in counselling in the U.S.A. and turned my life around personally and professionally.  I re-trained.

Over 20 years as a Psychotherapist and 5 years as a Divorce Mediator followed.  Now I am writing self-help e-books to help other people.  I hope my books will inspire you to change your life if you are sad, angry, stressed, depressed or unhappy.

My 17 e-books in the Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth were written to give you a starting place – some basic information and support.  Through Amazon they are selling world-wide:  U.S.A., Canada, U.K., France, Germany, Spain, Italy, India, Brazil, Japan, China and via http://www.Amazon.com in Australia and New Zealand.

If you read self-help books please check these out:-

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists (about domestic violence)

What Passes for Passion on TV (about loving too much/obsessing)

Walking on Egg Shells (about anger)

My Drinking Isn’t A Problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist (about stress)

Loss is Part of Life (about bereavement and other loss)

Why Walk Into a Therapist’s Office?

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know About Love

How a Functional Family Might Look Like

How Not To Be A Doormat


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Women Be Warned – Charming Men Can Have a Dark Side

A man who makes a woman feel great about herself is very seductive.  It feels wonderful to be that woman.  The trouble is that somewhere down the road you will realise that your self esteem was poor in the first place since you needed that man to make you feel good about yourself.  Then if he takes that away you can plummet to the depths of despair if you are not careful.  Ever been in this situation?  I certainly have, repeatedly, until I figured it out!

When a woman’s self esteem is good she has a solid sense of who she is and what she wants from life.  She no longer has to accept what other people give her.  That is the best place to be and if you are not there do go to counselling until you get to that good place please.

The connection for me between a charming man and a chauvinist is control issues.  What a charming man does is use that charm to get all that he wants and when he does not get his own way you may find that he quickly becomes Mr. Nasty and spite-full.  That is because his self esteem is poor and underneath the facade he feels inadequate and probably is emotionally inadequate.

A chauvinist is also into control because he believes men are superior and thus should be in control.  Obviously, since I believe women are equal and different I cannot agree that we should be in a one-down position.

Want to know more about what I think about living with a controlling man or in a domestic violence situation?  Read my latest Kindle e-book “Charming Men and Chavuinists” £1 from Amazon or go to the store page of this website: 


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Rape Not Sexual Assault

Have you ever wonded about the kind of person who rapes?  See my latest e-book Rape Not Sexual Assault now for sale on www.EmotionalHealthForEmotionalWealth.co.uk £1 and on Amazon $1.99

I spent years listening to the horrific experiences of women (yes, a sterotype but the most frequent) who had been raped.  I prefer the term rape, personally, as it is the more terrifying and I think that sexual assault makes it all sound just a little bit to clean and tidy.  Yes, I do understand that there are sexual assaults that are abuse, but do not include full penetrative intercourse.  All of it is worth the public’s understanding and empathy.

Empathy for the rapist – yes, because he is a human being who is not adequate and in my book Rape Not Sexual Assault and in Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth I talk about some of the psychological profiles connected to rapists…not pleasant reading.  Still, I would have them put to sleep by lethal injections because as far as I know there really is no cure and once released from prison (the few who actually get there) they are most likely to rape again.  It is about meeting their own needs and that is what they want to do most.  There is no concern for the victim.

Yes, men get raped too and not just gay men.  Old women get raped.  It is not just the young female with a short skirt out late at night.  This is a crime of violence and about the need for power, control and domination with a desire for humiliation thrown in for good measure.

I believe society needs to talk more about this subject so I hope you will educate yourself by reading my book.  If you have survived a rape or a sexual assault I hope that you will find some useful information in there too.



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An Example of Racism?

Actually I think this is not an example of people being racist.  This case to me seems more about men believing they still have the right to “own” a female and the right to do whatever they wish to do with a female.

Stay with me on this…I really am not male bashing.  It is just unacceptable behaviour in England today and I would say it needs to be illegal everywhere in the world now for the sake of the youngsters who will be taking care of us in our old age.  Their attitudes will affect all our lives when we are old and vulnerable.  I don’t want to live in a world that thinks sexual abuse is ok when I am too old to take care of myself – do you?

What I am going back to was reported in the British media on the 8th May 2012.  It is where 8 British-born Pakistani men and an Afgan man were convicted of sexual abuse.

It was said by a reporter at that time that this particular kind of gang abuse was rare, but that still within some cultures living in the U.K. it was acceptable for men to groom a vulnerable girl, have sex (meaning rape) and then pass her along to other men.  What I found even more horrific was that those other men would all consider this a wonderful favour and that because they shared a female they would be closer friends.  Where, oh, where does that thinking come from and how could it still be acceptable to any human being in 2012?

That is why I don’t think this is about race in particular (although I have to admit that the girls were not from the same culture as the men).  I think this is chauvinism and a rampant need for power and control on the part of the men.  In my opinion, it says to me that the men feel inadequate as human beings.  Not an angle I see talked about often – do you?

There are kind and caring, decent men from all cultures who would not want this done to their daughters and who would not rape other men’s daughters.  If you feel good about yourself as a person you do not need to take power over another human being.  Ultimately that is what rape is about power, control, domination with a penis just being the weapon used.  And, in my opinion, it was rape even if grooming took place first and there was a lack of resistence because of it.

Do you know any one who still believes that it is acceptable thinking that a female body is just an object to be used as a male decides?  If so, they need psychological help now!

All men, women, children (and animals) deserve to be treated with respect.


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Let Me Tell You About Adele

Adelle was a little girl who went to stay with some relatives in a big city.  One day a man offered her some marbles.  She followed him to his home, but it was not just marbles that were waiting for her there.  To find out more please read my book/e-book “Sexual Abuse & Incest”- it’s priced at £1 for accessibility.

I’ll be writing blogs that are inspired by my books.  In my opinion, my e-book “Sexual Abuse & Incest” is great value for money!  It is based on over 20 years of helping victims become survivors and go on to thrive.  If child sexual abuse or incest has been a part of your life do take a look and see the other resources contained therein.

My passion about this particular book comes from the fact that I have managed to survive incestuous abuse from my biological father when I was 2 years to 7 years old.  When I needed help with this 30 years ago there was very little written.  I ended up reading mostly research papers.  Clinical Psychologist, Essie Hull, managed to get me to face all the pain that I buried for so long.  She saved my life.

Incest is the betrayal of trust – and I think the worst because it leaves you without family support all too often.  The non-offending parent frequently will take a perpetrator’s side over that of the child because they really do not want to believe it could be true.

Now that does not mean that child sexual abuse is not a betrayal of trust – obviously it is.  So is physical and emotional child abuse.  Sometimes a child gets lucky and gets some support from a family member.  Sometimes not.

Whilst Social Workers are over-worked and burdened by too heavy a case load, I do not understand the public’s hesitancy to ask for their help.  That’s probably a different blog.

Statistically everyone knows someone who has been abused in some way.  Please do tell anyone you know (who needs my book as a starting place) about my book because no child should carry the burden of being abused.  The child is not to blame.  If you want to understand more, educate yourself by reading my book and the others that are now available…particularly “The Courage to Heal” by Elaine Bass and Laura Davies.

A couple of decades ago a client wrote this poem about her experiences.  I have long since lost contact with her so have not been able to get her permission to re-print it, but given how she felt about it at the time I think she would be glad if it might help someone else know that they are not alone.  I still cry every time I read this:-


Memories that I wish could be mine

A Daddy so caring, strong, so fine

A man to admire, worship, adore

A source of guidance, loving and sure

A safe love: one that shelters and shields

A wise discipline he gently wields

But sadly these will never be true

The man who fathered me was you

The memories I can recall

Invaded my body, raped my soul

A childhood innocence and trust

Twisted and broken to serve your lust

The taste, the smell, the look in your eyes

The vicious words, the callous lies

My tears – your aim, my pain – your pleasure

What memories for you to treasure!

A little girl made to whimper and cower

Was this your idea of masculine power?

‘Evil’ the word, no other will do

For the years of hell you put me through

You hurt, despised, degraded and defiled

You had total control when I was a child

I kept your secret for so many years

It burdened my life, walled-up my tears

So long the pain I’ve had to hide

Repressed, twisted, buried, denied

I let nobody close, no one could know

For fear the badness inside me would show

But soon I’ll be angry, bitter and sad

Grieve for the childhood that I never had

There’s no turning back, I want to be free

And find the woman I am meant to be

The path is so hard though, the road so long

I tremble and doubt, can I be so strong?

I follow the flame of life inside

It’s burned so low, but never quite died.

All this is true of little boys too.  For some it is abuse by a mother and some a father and some another relative or person.  It still destroys lives unless you reach out and tell – preferably a professional.




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