Pre Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection

Anyone and everyone thinking of getting married or just living with someone should definitely read this book with their partner before taking any decisions. It is a great tool for opening up discussion together on mutual topics you might not ordinarily discuss prior to making decisions based very often on emotions alone. It can pin point areas of different thinking or potential conflict but can also be reassuring when you discover that you and your partner are on the same wavelength about most things.

Thinking of marriage? Do yourself a favour and read this!
If you’re planning to get married, have been in a marriage that failed and want to do better next time, GET THIS BOOK! It might just save you a VERY big mistake!! I personally made a pig’s ear of my marriage and several relationships since. I don’t intend to make the same mistakes again!! I have to confess more than a passing interest in this book… it was written by my counsellor!

She is a counsellor and psychotherapist with twenty-one years experience in the area of marital counselling. What it does is fill a gaping hole in the self-help and self-improvement market, and also stands alone as what I think should be compulsory reading for anyone intending to tie the knot!

It’s divided into short chapters covering all the areas that a couple should consider and discuss, such as Character Traits, Personal Qualities, Spiritual Values (the author doesn’t mean religious), Money, Sex, Parenting, Communication Skills. The book is big on TALKING to your partner – in fact the book is pretty useless unless you do! The whole thrust is ‘If in any doubt do not get married!’, so get talking and sort out the differences. Note ‘the differences’, not ‘any differences’! What the book does is, through quizzes and checklists, highlight all the potential areas of conflict from ‘Do you have evidence that your partner is tolerant’, through ‘Does your partner enjoy their work’ to ‘Does you partner expect you to put out the rubbish bins’. It puts down in black and white the things that, all too often, destroy marriages… as seen through years of experience in the consulting room.

It is a slim volume, only 86 pages, and widely spaced due to the quizzes and checklists, but I think this is its strength. It’s a workbook really, for you and your partner to write in. You could read it through in not much more than an hour and get into the heart of it in less than fifteen minutes. If you want a tome on the subject of marriages and relationships, this is not for you. If you want to give your marriage the best chance of success, buy it. At the very least you will get a different perspective on some of the things that end up destroying relationships. It encourages you to actually complete the quizzes, fill in the agreements in the book and jointly sign them. I am not so sure about signing agreements but, if it’s approached in a ‘fun but serious’ way it can help focus on areas that may otherwise be difficult to talk about. And that, really, is the strength of the book – it focuses the mind on potential problems.

One thing it doesn’t do is tell you how to resolve any problems. There are plenty of books out there that have been written to help with those. It’s a brief, no-nonsense, summary of what you need, no, MUST, consider before marriage. Unique and brilliant!
Review by Gerund on

If you are considering tying the knot, this is a must read!
Rachel B.