The Trouble with Porn – India, Rape & the Police.

Pornography allows men to think of a woman’s body as just an object.  If they look at porn enough it is easy to forget that the person in front of them during sex is a human being with feelings.  The rape levels in India are not helped by the level of pornography and pornographic ‘jokes’ which obviously are not funny.

When there is a patriarchal culture there is an erroneous belief that men are superior and thus women inferior.  This further enhances an inadequate man’s belief that he can behave however he wishes, especially sexually…sexual harassment, domestic violence, rape.

Attitudes need to change for India to be accepted into the international community of our modern high tech world.  People know very quickly about behaviour in all countries now that the internet connects us.

The USA did a wonderful job (decades ago) of educating it’s police force by using rape crisis groups to teach them about what is acceptable and what is not.  Now it is time for India and other countries to force their police to think through their behaviour and take complaints seriously.  Laws alone won’t do the necessary – if the police ignore complaints people won’t complain.  That is what I understand is happening in India.  Where else?

What is your police force’s rape protocol?  Do you know?  Maybe it is time you asked!

Please see what I have to say about rapists and marital rape in particular in my Amazon Self Help E-book:-

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Happy New Year! Isn’t It Time We Changed the World?

The title of this Kindle e-book is Hugs & Emotional Wealth Change the World.  I purposely did not say CAN change the world as that is trying rather than doing!  I am hoping that you will hug more people as a result of reading this book.  When people hug it is that much harder to hurt them.  What would happen if all Americans went over and hugged all of Pakistan and Afghanistan?  I know that is my fantasy but…

Wouldn’t it be lovely to create a more peaceful world?  How does that happen?  Well, I think it has to start with people taking personal responsibility.  Responsibility for their actions and that means dealing with your thoughts because they affect your feelings and thus your behaviour.  That then creates emotional wealth – integrity, compassion and serenity.  If you chose this for your life and teach it to your children and they theirs the world changes one person at a time.  What have you got to lose by trying?

Buy it now!


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Coronation Street Domestic Violence

English TV has a soap opera called “Coronation Street”.  It’s one that I have watched for years and was initially pleased that they started displaying a domestic violence scenario.  I initially thought the writers were being clever showing domestic violence from a woman to a man as a way of bringing the information home to people more effectively.

It wasn’t until last night that I realised that they were intending to demonstrate female to male domestic abuse.  Whilst this does occur it is a small percentage of domestic violence cases.  Frequently the abuse a man can inflict is also greater than a woman can do as harm to a man.

Year’s ago I ran a rape and domestic violence crisis centre and yes, men do get raped and they do get abused by women.  In my opinion and experience that is not the majority of cases and thus I am concerned that the Coronation Street show is creating an inappropriate illusion in the minds of the viewing public.  What do you think?

See my self-help e-book to see more about what I think!

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By Susan Jane Smith B.Sc.


Forget ‘Dancing Queen ‘ (song by Abba) I think I’ve become the Self-Help Queen now that my 23 books/e-books are for sale on Amazon!

I am a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby.  I spent 3 years in counselling in the U.S.A. and turned my life around personally and professionally.  I re-trained.

Over 20 years as a Psychotherapist and 5 years as a Divorce Mediator followed.  Now I am writing self-help e-books to help other people.  I hope my books will inspire you to change your life if you are sad, angry, stressed, depressed or unhappy.

My 17 e-books in the Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth were written to give you a starting place – some basic information and support.  Through Amazon they are selling world-wide:  U.S.A., Canada, U.K., France, Germany, Spain, Italy, India, Brazil, Japan, China and via in Australia and New Zealand.

If you read self-help books please check these out:-

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists (about domestic violence)

What Passes for Passion on TV (about loving too much/obsessing)

Walking on Egg Shells (about anger)

My Drinking Isn’t A Problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist (about stress)

Loss is Part of Life (about bereavement and other loss)

Why Walk Into a Therapist’s Office?

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know About Love

How a Functional Family Might Look Like

How Not To Be A Doormat


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Profile Update! Social Media Takes Time!

Well, I have had a busy few days updating my profile on,, Linked In, and have still to do Google + and Twitter!  I have also got my website designers to update my website so take a look at the store page in a couple of days – it should show 23 books for sale by Christmas!

Updating my biography has taken the longest and I am publishing the updated version here too just in case you want to know more about me!

I have been motivated by authors like Louise Hay, Susan Jeffers, Susan Forward, Rhonda Byrne, and Paul McKenna.  Now it is my chance to inspire positive change in other people.  I turned to books to learn about how to heal and create a happier life.  As a survivor of incest, rape, domestic violence and the miscarriage of my baby, I went against my family norm and undertook counselling to sort out my feelings.  I turned my life around and hope that you will be able to gain some insight and support from my self-help e-books.

After a career in admin I gained a Bachelor of Science degree in Business Management in my thirties.  I then re-trained because I felt that there had to be more to life than pushing paper around!

I was a Psychotherapist in private practice from 1987 until 2009.  I was born in New Hampshire, U.S.A. and because of my English Mother, I grew up in Lydney, Gloucestershire, England.  I returned to this area and live with the tranquillity of the beautiful Forest of Dean.

Previously, I had a successful counselling practice in Milton Keynes, Buckinghamshire, England for 17 years.  My professional education comes mainly from the U.S.A. where I was awarded a degree in Business Management and went on to study for a master’s degree in community psychology.  My Father died and I returned to England with my Mother.

I was also a Divorce Mediator for five years with the Family Mediators Association and a Professional Practice Consultant for the U.K. College of Family Mediation.  I bring that broad range of experience to my books “Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth” and “Pre-Marital MOT: A Relationship Inspection”.  See the About Me page of my website: for more information about my training and experience.  Both of these books are currently available in paperback from my website or via the book stores.  Both are Kindle e-books, available on my website also, and are e-pub available for other e-book readers via the major retailer’s on-line book stores in the U.K. and the U.S.A.

My latest book “Hugs & Emotional Wealth Change the World” is about how people can be kinder to each other using hugs and take personal responsibility for their quality of emotional wealth by understanding themselves better.  Thus the individual’s efforts will change the world as more people take care of themselves and thus others and the world in general.  Please do take a look at this book for all our sakes and especially for those of your children and grandchildren.

My Little Book Series of Emotional Health for Emotional Wealth are re-packaged sections from the original book formulated as e-books.  They allow people to purchase information about specific topics and see what I have to say about them!  Amazon now offers:

Sexual Abuse & Incest

Physical & Emotional Abuse Hurts the World as Well as The Child

Rape – Not Sexual Assault

Charming Men and Chauvinists

What Passes for Passion on TV

Walking on Egg Shells

Worry Doesn’t Fix Anything

My Drinking Isn’t a problem!

Feeling Down?

Parenting Your Way Through Divorce

Food and Thought

Superwoman Does Not Exist

Loss is Part of Life

Why Walk Into A Therapists’ Office?  (Journey, Benefits and When Therapy Won’t Work)

What Every 16 Year Old Needs to Know about Love

How a Functional Family Might Look

How Not to be a Doormat

I would like people to stop and think about their relationships and would love people to feel empowered to create an emotionally wealthy world!





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Women Be Warned – Charming Men Can Have a Dark Side

A man who makes a woman feel great about herself is very seductive.  It feels wonderful to be that woman.  The trouble is that somewhere down the road you will realise that your self esteem was poor in the first place since you needed that man to make you feel good about yourself.  Then if he takes that away you can plummet to the depths of despair if you are not careful.  Ever been in this situation?  I certainly have, repeatedly, until I figured it out!

When a woman’s self esteem is good she has a solid sense of who she is and what she wants from life.  She no longer has to accept what other people give her.  That is the best place to be and if you are not there do go to counselling until you get to that good place please.

The connection for me between a charming man and a chauvinist is control issues.  What a charming man does is use that charm to get all that he wants and when he does not get his own way you may find that he quickly becomes Mr. Nasty and spite-full.  That is because his self esteem is poor and underneath the facade he feels inadequate and probably is emotionally inadequate.

A chauvinist is also into control because he believes men are superior and thus should be in control.  Obviously, since I believe women are equal and different I cannot agree that we should be in a one-down position.

Want to know more about what I think about living with a controlling man or in a domestic violence situation?  Read my latest Kindle e-book “Charming Men and Chavuinists” £1 from Amazon or go to the store page of this website:

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Innocent Bloging and Spam!

Sorry to say, at least until I understand the systems better, I am blocking comments.  I have had a flood of spam.  I have read the word press comment troubleshooting but cannot say I really understand it!

I don’t really understand trackbacks and pingbacks so have disallowed them too.

It makes me sad that some people spoil life for others.  I gather that some of the comments and activity I have experienced is a way for others to make money.  Pity they used my work to do it.

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Jimmy Saville and Others

IF, and I say if because there has not yet been a court case, I will be bitterly disappointed to find that a man who I thought well of, when I was young, was not what he appeared to be.  I well remember Jimmy Saville on tv and his Clunk Click Campaign has saved lives.  Yet, if the rumours are true he will have destroyed other lives.  Other men appear to have destroyed yet more youngsters’ chances of a “normal” childhood.

Nothing is proven so I can only talk in general terms about what I saw when I was a Psychotherapist in private practice for over 20 years.  I regularly had clients (men and women) who had been touched inappropriately when young or who had actually been subjected to full on sexual abuse.  In my Kindle e-book (also available on my website) “Sexual Abuse & Incest” you can see some of the long-term negative effects abuse creates.  You can also find resources for healing the pain. Betrayal of trust is one of the worst results of abuse and thus I fail to see why the British government would put in place a man to investigate what other men have perpetrated.  In my opinion, survivors of child abuse, whether they are male or female, are more likely to tell a woman investigator what had happened to them.  You are likely to get more disclosures if you have a woman heading the investigations.

When I asked some clients who had done inappropriate behaviour “why” the reason they came up with was that they had just wanted to do it.  And, who was to stop them?  Certainly not themselves.  They were always totally focused on getting their needs met.  They never seemed to take into account what impact they were having on their victims.

Until this whole subject is better understood by legislators I fear that paedophiles and paedophile rings will continue.  This requires cultural change and legislation to enforce what Theresa May and David Cameron have said about abuse being abhorant.


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Did you have breakfast today?  Could you have had food when you woke up?  Well, I certainly have breakfast every day and other meals too.  I am so lucky that I have a roof over my head and food in my tummy.  There are so many people who do not – both in the western world and in developing countries.

I’ve just watched a programme on BBC News tv channel that brought Mary’s Meals to my attention.  They were giving porridge to children and what a great idea!  What if all children in the world had porridge for breakfast.  They would feel so much better and if they also had the opportunity to go to school it would be even better for their lives and for the world.  Great compassion and so simple.  Please take a look for yourself about their important work www.Mary’

Please support this important charity’s efforts.



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Dyslexia – Does it Affect Your Life?

A colleague, Elaine Barnes, and I are just setting up a website called for people with dyslexia and for their family, friends, employers etc.  We would love to hear from you if you are dyslexic or have been affected by it in someone you know.  Please email us:

We have also set up a Facebook Page called Healthy Emotions so you could contact us via that too if you prefer.

You can follow us on Twitter:  Elaine Barnes @HealthyEmotions

What we would like to hear from you is how it affected you because it seems every person’s story is slightly different.  We want to know what would be useful to you and what emotional impact it has had on you.

We are therapists and therefore we are coming at this project from an emotional perspective – has low self esteem been an issue for you, lack of confidence, frustration because other people don’t understand?  Whatever it is we want to know about it please.  You do not have to disclose your name if you would prefer not to do so.

Also, would having an “agony aunt” be useful for you – to have someone who will listen to how you feel?

In the meantime I’d recommend a book by Michael Ryden “Dyslexia:  How Would I Cope?” ISBN 978-1-85302-385-9


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